As I sit here the night before Easter, I am anxious and excited for morning to come. My excitement comes not from wondering if a floppy-eared cottontail has left a surprise for me in the form of jelly beans and a basket, but instead from the same place it comes every December as well. While some may assume I merely enjoy holidays traditionally beset with gifts, the assumption would be incorrect. Instead, Easter and Christmas are two of my favorite holidays because I simply love the fact that people around the world take time out of their lives to celebrate the birth, life, and resurrection of my best friend. Yes, it may seem cavalier to refer to Jesus Christ -- the Savior of the World, God’s Only Begotten Son, the greatest man to ever walk the face of the earth -- as my best friend, but indeed this is the relationship I have with Him. I am so thankful for this and so tonight’s writing is my tribute to Him -- He who is not only my Redeemer, but also my elder brother and friend.
From a very young age, my parents taught me I was a child of God and thus a sister to Jesus Christ. Because of this, I always felt special. After all, how could God’s daughter and a sister to the Prince of Peace not be special? I am so thankful to my parents who instilled in me the knowledge that as my brother, Jesus Christ desired to have a personal relationship with me. He has always been a perfect brother and friend, and it is for this reason I so appreciate holidays on which we celebrate Him.
The scriptures, particularly those which relay stories from Christ’s life, abound with instances where He refers to His disciples and those around Him as friends. In fact, it seems this is the term He uses most when referring to those He cared about. He was the literal Son of God, the only sinless person ever to walk the face of the earth, and yet He esteemed Himself no higher than anyone else. He considered Himself a friend to those around Him, and I am more than thankful I can consider Him my friend. His love and friendship is and always has been perfect, and I have literally felt it so many times in my life.
During His mortal ministry, the Savior performed many miracles – He healed the sick; He raised the dead; He walked on water; He fed the multitudes with only a few loaves and fishes. Given this, how could one deny His divinity? And yet there were those who did, and there are those who still do. I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding atheism, and it occurred to me that instead of being upset at those with no belief in God or correspondingly Jesus Christ, my heart breaks for them. The one thing I’ve always known I could count on is the love and friendship of my Savior; He has been there for me in the good times and more importantly, in the bad. I can’t imagine going through life and its trials without that added measure of support and love, and I firmly believe He is willing to unconditionally provide His love and friendship to anyone who will simply reach out.
One of my favorite stories of Jesus Christ is told by Luke in the New Testament. The story recounts an instance where a woman who, plagued with a considerable physical affliction, had so much faith in the Savior that she believed by simply touching His garment, she would be healed. While I admire this woman for her faith, the part of the story that resounds with me most is Christ’s reaction after she touched His garment: “Somebody hath touched me…” His disciples responded by saying, “Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest though, Who touched me?” And yet, the Savior knew there was someone who deliberately reached out to Him and needed Him at that moment. In my life, often I feel it is all I can do to simply reach out and (symbolically) touch the bottom of His garment. However, I have faith that when I do, He personally recognizes me, just as he recognized the woman told of in Luke’s account. Not only do I have faith this is the case, but I have felt it in my life. I know that whenever I reach out, He is there and provides me with the friendship and love I need and desire. So often I feel insignificant and unsure of my meaning in this crazy world we live in, but I know that to Him, I am important and valued. He was willing to stop amongst a multitude of people to acknowledge a seemingly trivial woman who touched His garment, and He has figuratively done the same for me in my life and amongst the multitudes in which I live.
I love to read the stories of the miracles the Savior worked while He walked upon this earth, but I am more thankful for the miracles He continues to work every day in my life. He has made the unbearable bearable and turned the darkness of my life into light, and I have experienced first-hand the transforming power His love can have. How easily He could have turned back when He knelt in Gethsemane or was being nailed to the cross, but He didn’t. As my friend, He loved me enough to give His life, and I love Him enough to give mine. Thankfully He doesn’t require it to be given in the same way, and even more thankfully He doesn’t require it to be perfect. All He asks is that we love and follow Him, and that’s what I will continue to do.
Sometimes it is difficult for me to see why the Savior would want to be my friend, and looking back on my life, I recognize ways in which I could have been a better friend to Him. Fortunately, His love and friendship are not contingent on mine and I have never questioned whether or not He is there. I try to live my life in a way that honors His and will allow me to someday be with Him again. I’m far from perfect, but I am thankful for my relationship with the Savior through which I know that He knows my heart and my love for Him. Friendship can be a tricky thing – there are definitely times when it is stronger than others. However, it is my opinion that a true friendship is unconditional – you know it is always there, no matter the distance between the friends or the length of time it has been since the friends were last together. My friendship with the Savior is no different. I wish I could say that in my life, each day has been spent in close relationship with Him; thankfully, most have and I look forward to a continued life and eternity of friendship with Jesus Christ, made possible through His absolute, infinite love and my strivings to emulate His perfect example.
As I’ve been writing tonight, I’ve had a playlist on of various songs which pay tribute to the life of the Savior. Two of these with particular meaning to me are the hymns I Believe in Christ and I Know That My Redeemer Lives. Indeed, I absolutely believe in Christ and I know He lives. I have felt His presence in my life and know He is as alive today as when He walked on this earth. I am thankful for parents and a Gospel which provided me with this knowledge, as well as for experiences of my own which have reinforced my faith in and relationship with the Savior.
Indeed, oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives -- I know that my Redeemer lives! He lives, and by Him, I live. How thankful I am the tomb was empty on that Easter morning long ago and that through this miracle, I can experience the love and friendship of the Savior every day of my life. He has always been there for me, and for this I am evermore grateful. He has courageously and selflessly fought my battles, been my advocate, and won my victory. At times when I’ve felt the world was against me, I knew that He wasn’t. On the nights I’ve gone to bed with a tear-soaked pillow, I felt reassured that somehow He had the ability to wipe my tears away. During those moments when I questioned whether or not I could go on, His arms were roundabout me, gently letting me know that I could. I am so thankful for my relationship with him and look forward to the day when I will be able to kneel at His feet, wet them with my tears, and thank Him for always being my perfect best friend. =)
~Tiff T.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Pollyanna Perspective
One of my favorite movies is the 1960 Disney classic, Pollyanna. Hayley Mills (who also happens to be one of my favorite actresses) does a fantastic job playing the role of a young girl who looks for the good in everyone and everything around her. Pollyanna's life was not easy -- she was orphaned at a young age when her parents passed away, then adopted by an aunt who wanted essentially nothing to do with her; the story even ends with the young girl being paralyzed after an accident. However, throughout the story, Pollyanna looks for the good in all situations and within all people she comes in contact. Her positive outlook is contagious, and it's amazing to see how people's lives can be transformed by seemingly small changes in perspective.
I recently read the autobiography of Jaycee Dugard, a woman who spent eighteen years in captivity after being kidnapped at age 11 by a known sex offender. I've also recently become familiar with the stories of Dewey Bozilla, a man sent to prison and who served almost 30 years for a crime he did not commit, and Anthony Robles, a young man who won the NCAA wrestling championship despite being born with only one leg. While these three stories are very different, they all have the same clear theme -- staying optimistic is the best (and sometimes the only) way to get through trying situations -- a theme I refer to as the Pollyanna Perspective.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will." Life is the same way. If our outlook on the world is one of negativity, we'll definitely find it; reading a newspaper or watching an evening newscast provides instant access to discouragement. Correspondingly though, if our outlook on the world is positive, we're sure to find that as well. It may be a bit more challenging and will probably take a good deal of conscious effort, but the long-term results will be worth it.
I recognize it's certainly not easy to have the Pollyanna Perspective, and some reading this may scoff at the thought of trying to find the positive in every situation. I don't know that I'm even saying we need to find the good in every situation, so much as just stop looking for the bad. The other day I was having a conversation with a friend who mentioned she was feeling happy, but she didn't know why. This caused me to reflect -- in our lives, why must we have a reason for being happy? I myself have asked the same question. On days when I'm feeling great for no apparent reason, I wonder why, which effectively leads me to talk myself out of the happiness if I can't find a reason. But, isn't there always a reason to be happy? Or at least not sad?
It is so much easier to look for the negative in life, but this is exhausting! It takes effort to be discouraged, despite how simple it is to become that way. In looking at life and any situation we may be involved in, I would dare argue that there is ALWAYS a silver lining. There may just be a sliver of silver, but it is always there. Using an example from the movie, Pollyanna explains that when she was young, her family was poor and accepted donations from their church. One year they were offering toys, and Pollyanna desperately wanted a doll. Unfortunately and inadvertently what she received was a pair of crutches. How on earth is there anything positive about a pair of crutches when what you wanted was a doll? Well, Pollyanna explains the silver lining was that she didn't need to use them! It's that simple! A real life example occurred for me just the other day. My first meeting of the day was at an office nearly 30 minutes from my home (which seemed abnormally far as my regular office is less than ten). Sitting in morning rush-hour traffic, I realized I had two choices -- become frustrated at my commute for that day OR be thankful I wasn't required to make that commute every other day. I chose the latter! Keeping a positive perspective doesn't have to mean something extraordinary happens in our lives every day, but it can simply mean that something ordinary does.
In thinking about the most difficult situations in my life, I can immediately see the negative and the heartache I have experienced because of them. From this perspective, it is easy to feel hopeless and become discouraged. However, if I consciously try to find the silver lining, or even the silver sliver, surprisingly it's not that difficult. One of my situations was nearly life threatening; I made it out alive. Another practically bankrupt my emotions and self-worth; it did not take my spirit. I'm not saying I'm glad these situations occurred, but instead that as I squint in the rearview mirror of my life, I can see the silver sliver of my experiences and am more than grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so.
There is so much heartache, tragedy, and just plain evil in the world around us... I don't need to tell anyone that. We already know how difficult it can be. I'm the first to admit life rarely turns out how we'd planned, and I've been through my share of experiences that were less than pleasant at best. But why focus on that? Why not look for the good? Life is hard, emotions are real, and it's probably near impossible for us to be optimistic 100% of the time. But why not 90% of the time? Or 80%? Or even 70%? Indeed every day of our lives will not be spectacular, but we should remember that every day has the potential to be. Perhaps the difference between a marvelous day and one that is less than marvelous is simply our perspective and the way we look at things... :)
~Tiff T.
I recently read the autobiography of Jaycee Dugard, a woman who spent eighteen years in captivity after being kidnapped at age 11 by a known sex offender. I've also recently become familiar with the stories of Dewey Bozilla, a man sent to prison and who served almost 30 years for a crime he did not commit, and Anthony Robles, a young man who won the NCAA wrestling championship despite being born with only one leg. While these three stories are very different, they all have the same clear theme -- staying optimistic is the best (and sometimes the only) way to get through trying situations -- a theme I refer to as the Pollyanna Perspective.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will." Life is the same way. If our outlook on the world is one of negativity, we'll definitely find it; reading a newspaper or watching an evening newscast provides instant access to discouragement. Correspondingly though, if our outlook on the world is positive, we're sure to find that as well. It may be a bit more challenging and will probably take a good deal of conscious effort, but the long-term results will be worth it.
I recognize it's certainly not easy to have the Pollyanna Perspective, and some reading this may scoff at the thought of trying to find the positive in every situation. I don't know that I'm even saying we need to find the good in every situation, so much as just stop looking for the bad. The other day I was having a conversation with a friend who mentioned she was feeling happy, but she didn't know why. This caused me to reflect -- in our lives, why must we have a reason for being happy? I myself have asked the same question. On days when I'm feeling great for no apparent reason, I wonder why, which effectively leads me to talk myself out of the happiness if I can't find a reason. But, isn't there always a reason to be happy? Or at least not sad?
It is so much easier to look for the negative in life, but this is exhausting! It takes effort to be discouraged, despite how simple it is to become that way. In looking at life and any situation we may be involved in, I would dare argue that there is ALWAYS a silver lining. There may just be a sliver of silver, but it is always there. Using an example from the movie, Pollyanna explains that when she was young, her family was poor and accepted donations from their church. One year they were offering toys, and Pollyanna desperately wanted a doll. Unfortunately and inadvertently what she received was a pair of crutches. How on earth is there anything positive about a pair of crutches when what you wanted was a doll? Well, Pollyanna explains the silver lining was that she didn't need to use them! It's that simple! A real life example occurred for me just the other day. My first meeting of the day was at an office nearly 30 minutes from my home (which seemed abnormally far as my regular office is less than ten). Sitting in morning rush-hour traffic, I realized I had two choices -- become frustrated at my commute for that day OR be thankful I wasn't required to make that commute every other day. I chose the latter! Keeping a positive perspective doesn't have to mean something extraordinary happens in our lives every day, but it can simply mean that something ordinary does.
In thinking about the most difficult situations in my life, I can immediately see the negative and the heartache I have experienced because of them. From this perspective, it is easy to feel hopeless and become discouraged. However, if I consciously try to find the silver lining, or even the silver sliver, surprisingly it's not that difficult. One of my situations was nearly life threatening; I made it out alive. Another practically bankrupt my emotions and self-worth; it did not take my spirit. I'm not saying I'm glad these situations occurred, but instead that as I squint in the rearview mirror of my life, I can see the silver sliver of my experiences and am more than grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so.
There is so much heartache, tragedy, and just plain evil in the world around us... I don't need to tell anyone that. We already know how difficult it can be. I'm the first to admit life rarely turns out how we'd planned, and I've been through my share of experiences that were less than pleasant at best. But why focus on that? Why not look for the good? Life is hard, emotions are real, and it's probably near impossible for us to be optimistic 100% of the time. But why not 90% of the time? Or 80%? Or even 70%? Indeed every day of our lives will not be spectacular, but we should remember that every day has the potential to be. Perhaps the difference between a marvelous day and one that is less than marvelous is simply our perspective and the way we look at things... :)
~Tiff T.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Four
Last evening, despite my best intentions of going to bed early in order to prepare for the coming week, I found myself up late watching a special edition of Nightline on Jaycee Dugard and her courageous story. As I sat and watched, I reflected on a situation I have been going through recently in my life that is similar in nature. I am in no way saying I've been through anything like Jaycee -- instead, I'm saying her story has given me courage to tell my story.
I recognize that by sharing my story, I'm "putting myself out there" and opening up a vulnerable part of my life, a part I have tried so desperately to keep hidden. However, one part of the program last night really struck a chord with me. Diane Sawyer asked Jaycee why she was willing to share her story when it was such a difficult and no doubt painful situation. Jaycee's response: "Why not look at it? Stare it down until it can't scare you anymore." After hearing her say that, I figure that if she can tell her story, so can I. She also talked about how survival through a difficult situation should give us strength, not shame. While, again, my situation is different than Jaycee's, the premise is similar and so I'm going to take Jaycee's advice of "staring it down" until it gives me strength. That said, here is my writing entitled Four.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four.
The number of letters in the words which define my life.
Not too long ago, the four-letter word that described my life was one that shouldn't have to be included in our language, but unfortunately is -- RAPE.
Along with that word, a slew of other four-letter words began shadowing everything around me -- HATE, FEAR, RAGE, PAIN, HELL. I found myself in a situation where no human being, man or woman, should ever have to find themselves. I had been victimized in a way that was simply indescribable. As one who so desires to maintain control and order, my physical and emotional foundations had been shattered. Nothing about this experience was logical. I was upset at my attacker for attacking me; I was upset at myself for letting the attack happen; I was upset at everything around me. I felt emotions I didn't know how to cope with. My life had gone from seemingly fine to entirely overturned in a matter of a few hours. I simply didn't know what to do.
In our society, rape is a four-letter word that is not often used. Whether it isn't used because of ignorance around the topic, or because of the uncomfortable nature of the subject, it can not be ignored. It is estimated that one in four women and one in thirty-three men will be raped in their lifetime. Unfortunately, more than 60% of these assaults are never reported to police. The chances that someone you know has gone through this terrible ordeal are high. Every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted, which equates to more than 250,000 victims every year...that we know of.
We need to be informed on this issue. Gone are the days of Mayberry and unlocked doors. Men and women alike must be aware of the dangers of rape and how to deal with this situation, whether it be experienced in the first person or the third. We must abandon the unspoken and yet widely-accepted notion that rape is the victim's fault. Rape is NEVER the victim's fault. Our society has fallen into the unfortunate habit of subconsciously (or even consciously) blaming the ones who deserve only credit for their courage and strength. Regardless of what occurred before the attack or what occurs after, no means no and the victim is NEVER for us to blame.
In every situation, it is near impossible to anticipate exactly what our reaction would be; to assume we would have acted differently in a situation than someone who was assaulted undermines the courage of a rape victim in simply making it through the attack alive and mitigates the power of the human spirit. Often, courage is not manifest in performing large and heroic acts, but by simply being willing to wake up in the morning and live another day. Victims of rape, when dealing with this situation, need and deserve support and encouragement, not blame and judgment.
After the attack, I blamed myself.
"If only I hadn't been there right at that moment..."
"If only I had yelled louder or fought harder..."
"If only I hadn't been by myself..."
"If only I hadn't been wearing that outfit..."
Whatever the reason, I felt the blame was mine. In blaming myself, I took responsibility for the situation, and by doing this, I could make sure that I never allowed this to happen again. Well, as it turns out, I didn't allow it to happen in the first place. In our society, it seems the reason we are so quick to blame the victim is so we can assure ourselves that we would never do such things and thus this would never happen to us. Not the case. Rape happens everywhere, all the time, and while it is important to protect yourself, it is unfair and unreasonable to think it only happens to people who "deserve it" or were "asking for it" or who allow it to happen.
I initially came face to face with these societal injustices when meeting with the Victims' Advocate assigned to my case. After reviewing the details of my attack, she proceeded to tell me I had "put myself in a bad situation" and that I hadn't "protected myself enough." She asked me what I had been wearing, what I had said, what I had done...all questions I myself had thought about a million times before and considered how I would have changed things to prevent the assault. In keeping with the unfortunate societal habit of victim-blaming, she expressed to me that this could have been prevented if I had done things differently, conveying the notion that I "shouldn't have put myself" there and "that's just how men are."
I further came face to face with this flawed line of thinking when I testifed against my attacker in court. I was told again by the defendant's attorney that responsibility for the assault rested entirely on my shoulders and I shouldn't have allowed this to happen. I was effectively "re-attacked" on the stand and criticized for the situation. The defense attorney provided his client with no accountability and instead afforded him the excuse that men have no control over their sexual appetites and women should essentially expect this to happen if they have any sort of physical interaction with men.
Because some of the very people designated to assist rape victims and be involved in the justice process hold the erroneous and jaded societal belief that rape is the victim's fault, it is imperative that each of us understands the subject more fully to prevent these damaging inclinations from occurring. While we may not be able to change society as a whole, changing our individual opinions and understanding is a positive step forward in dealing with this destructive epidemic.
In our lives, each of us has the God-given right to be able to think and make decisions for ourselves. A person has the right to say what happens to his or her body, and it is the right of no one to force us to do something sexually that we do not want to do. Instead of blaming the victim and believing it was his or her choices that led to the attack, we must see the situation for what it is and understand that the assault was the choice of the perpetrator alone. The only sure-fire way to ever prevent rape is to make the choice NOT to rape someone. Rape does not occur because some people are "asking for it" or "deserve it" or because "that's just how men are." Rape occurs because of the malevolent choices of certain people. In using these justifications, we are not only blaming the victim, but diminishing the ability of all other people to make proper decisions. Men particularly are better than that; not all men make the choice to rape, so it stands to reason that rape does not occur because "that's just how men are." Using this reasoning debases men to nothing but animals and belittles their ability to think for themselves. Again, regardless of what happened before an attack or even what happens after, no means no and the victim should never be blamed.
As time has gone on, through the help of family and friends, I have begun to HEAL, one of the positive four-letter words which I feel defines my life now. No longer need I be shadowed by that which overcame me two years ago. I am not a victim of rape -- I am a survivor. He may have had one night, but I have the rest of my life.
In each of us, there is a strength we do not even know exists until we are called upon to summon it. Oftentimes, we do not give ourselves enough credit to be able to handle that which life throws at us. We can. Tragedy, death, illness, and heartache may occur, but there is nothing stronger than the human spirit. Yours. Mine. We are greater than we realize. When everything in this world tries to bring us down, we must be willing to accept our own intrinsic worth and rise up to our potential. Fear, helplessness, desperation, and discouragement are strong emotions, but so are happiness, confidence, optimism, and peace. It is in our most trying times that we begin to learn and appreciate who we really are and who we have the ability to become. Amidst the austere darkness of this situation, I was able to discover that within myself, there lay an invinicible light.
Which four-letter words describe my life now?
GOOD.
LOVE.
MINE.
HOPE.
~Tiff T.
I recognize that by sharing my story, I'm "putting myself out there" and opening up a vulnerable part of my life, a part I have tried so desperately to keep hidden. However, one part of the program last night really struck a chord with me. Diane Sawyer asked Jaycee why she was willing to share her story when it was such a difficult and no doubt painful situation. Jaycee's response: "Why not look at it? Stare it down until it can't scare you anymore." After hearing her say that, I figure that if she can tell her story, so can I. She also talked about how survival through a difficult situation should give us strength, not shame. While, again, my situation is different than Jaycee's, the premise is similar and so I'm going to take Jaycee's advice of "staring it down" until it gives me strength. That said, here is my writing entitled Four.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four.
The number of letters in the words which define my life.
Not too long ago, the four-letter word that described my life was one that shouldn't have to be included in our language, but unfortunately is -- RAPE.
Along with that word, a slew of other four-letter words began shadowing everything around me -- HATE, FEAR, RAGE, PAIN, HELL. I found myself in a situation where no human being, man or woman, should ever have to find themselves. I had been victimized in a way that was simply indescribable. As one who so desires to maintain control and order, my physical and emotional foundations had been shattered. Nothing about this experience was logical. I was upset at my attacker for attacking me; I was upset at myself for letting the attack happen; I was upset at everything around me. I felt emotions I didn't know how to cope with. My life had gone from seemingly fine to entirely overturned in a matter of a few hours. I simply didn't know what to do.
In our society, rape is a four-letter word that is not often used. Whether it isn't used because of ignorance around the topic, or because of the uncomfortable nature of the subject, it can not be ignored. It is estimated that one in four women and one in thirty-three men will be raped in their lifetime. Unfortunately, more than 60% of these assaults are never reported to police. The chances that someone you know has gone through this terrible ordeal are high. Every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted, which equates to more than 250,000 victims every year...that we know of.
We need to be informed on this issue. Gone are the days of Mayberry and unlocked doors. Men and women alike must be aware of the dangers of rape and how to deal with this situation, whether it be experienced in the first person or the third. We must abandon the unspoken and yet widely-accepted notion that rape is the victim's fault. Rape is NEVER the victim's fault. Our society has fallen into the unfortunate habit of subconsciously (or even consciously) blaming the ones who deserve only credit for their courage and strength. Regardless of what occurred before the attack or what occurs after, no means no and the victim is NEVER for us to blame.
In every situation, it is near impossible to anticipate exactly what our reaction would be; to assume we would have acted differently in a situation than someone who was assaulted undermines the courage of a rape victim in simply making it through the attack alive and mitigates the power of the human spirit. Often, courage is not manifest in performing large and heroic acts, but by simply being willing to wake up in the morning and live another day. Victims of rape, when dealing with this situation, need and deserve support and encouragement, not blame and judgment.
After the attack, I blamed myself.
"If only I hadn't been there right at that moment..."
"If only I had yelled louder or fought harder..."
"If only I hadn't been by myself..."
"If only I hadn't been wearing that outfit..."
Whatever the reason, I felt the blame was mine. In blaming myself, I took responsibility for the situation, and by doing this, I could make sure that I never allowed this to happen again. Well, as it turns out, I didn't allow it to happen in the first place. In our society, it seems the reason we are so quick to blame the victim is so we can assure ourselves that we would never do such things and thus this would never happen to us. Not the case. Rape happens everywhere, all the time, and while it is important to protect yourself, it is unfair and unreasonable to think it only happens to people who "deserve it" or were "asking for it" or who allow it to happen.
I initially came face to face with these societal injustices when meeting with the Victims' Advocate assigned to my case. After reviewing the details of my attack, she proceeded to tell me I had "put myself in a bad situation" and that I hadn't "protected myself enough." She asked me what I had been wearing, what I had said, what I had done...all questions I myself had thought about a million times before and considered how I would have changed things to prevent the assault. In keeping with the unfortunate societal habit of victim-blaming, she expressed to me that this could have been prevented if I had done things differently, conveying the notion that I "shouldn't have put myself" there and "that's just how men are."
I further came face to face with this flawed line of thinking when I testifed against my attacker in court. I was told again by the defendant's attorney that responsibility for the assault rested entirely on my shoulders and I shouldn't have allowed this to happen. I was effectively "re-attacked" on the stand and criticized for the situation. The defense attorney provided his client with no accountability and instead afforded him the excuse that men have no control over their sexual appetites and women should essentially expect this to happen if they have any sort of physical interaction with men.
Because some of the very people designated to assist rape victims and be involved in the justice process hold the erroneous and jaded societal belief that rape is the victim's fault, it is imperative that each of us understands the subject more fully to prevent these damaging inclinations from occurring. While we may not be able to change society as a whole, changing our individual opinions and understanding is a positive step forward in dealing with this destructive epidemic.
In our lives, each of us has the God-given right to be able to think and make decisions for ourselves. A person has the right to say what happens to his or her body, and it is the right of no one to force us to do something sexually that we do not want to do. Instead of blaming the victim and believing it was his or her choices that led to the attack, we must see the situation for what it is and understand that the assault was the choice of the perpetrator alone. The only sure-fire way to ever prevent rape is to make the choice NOT to rape someone. Rape does not occur because some people are "asking for it" or "deserve it" or because "that's just how men are." Rape occurs because of the malevolent choices of certain people. In using these justifications, we are not only blaming the victim, but diminishing the ability of all other people to make proper decisions. Men particularly are better than that; not all men make the choice to rape, so it stands to reason that rape does not occur because "that's just how men are." Using this reasoning debases men to nothing but animals and belittles their ability to think for themselves. Again, regardless of what happened before an attack or even what happens after, no means no and the victim should never be blamed.
As time has gone on, through the help of family and friends, I have begun to HEAL, one of the positive four-letter words which I feel defines my life now. No longer need I be shadowed by that which overcame me two years ago. I am not a victim of rape -- I am a survivor. He may have had one night, but I have the rest of my life.
In each of us, there is a strength we do not even know exists until we are called upon to summon it. Oftentimes, we do not give ourselves enough credit to be able to handle that which life throws at us. We can. Tragedy, death, illness, and heartache may occur, but there is nothing stronger than the human spirit. Yours. Mine. We are greater than we realize. When everything in this world tries to bring us down, we must be willing to accept our own intrinsic worth and rise up to our potential. Fear, helplessness, desperation, and discouragement are strong emotions, but so are happiness, confidence, optimism, and peace. It is in our most trying times that we begin to learn and appreciate who we really are and who we have the ability to become. Amidst the austere darkness of this situation, I was able to discover that within myself, there lay an invinicible light.
Which four-letter words describe my life now?
GOOD.
LOVE.
MINE.
HOPE.
~Tiff T.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Presidential Preclusion?
With Jon Huntsman's recent announcement that he is entering the United States presidential race, I have been disappointed and yet not surprised at the tenor of media attention his religion has brought. This attention began four years ago when Mitt Romney made his presidential bid. Now, with two Latter-day Saint presidential candidates for 2012, what began as a spark of controversy over a possible "Mormon president" has now erupted into a full-blown wildfire.
I find it unfortunate that religion is such a dominant factor in the current presidential race. The United States has come a long way in the 235 years since its inception, but it still has a long way to go considering religion is erroneously becoming a candidate's only platform. Article 6, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution specifically states that "...no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States." Further, Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the Constitution outlines the qualifications for Office of the Presidency, none of which are religious in nature. So, why is this even being discussed?
It seems to me the reason people are concerned with the thought of a Mormon president is because they are either misinformed or uninformed about the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There are many who associate Mormon beliefs with that of polygamy, despite the fact that the mainstream LDS Church has not practiced polygamy since 1890; in fact, the Church has even taken a strong stand against it, and those who practice polygamy are not permitted to hold Church membership. Additionally, many do not consider the LDS faith a Christian religion, even though the Church's name -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- and its doctrines and practices are centered on Jesus Christ.
At its core, the LDS Church teaches the importance of family, service to others, humanitarianism, good citizenship, and education, all of which are sound principles regardless of one's religious beliefs. While it's true the LDS Church has its own specific beliefs, its core foundation is not much different than other mainstream religions who simply encourage their members to be good, law-abiding citizens wherever they may live.
Mormons have fought and died on the front lines for this country, just as those of other faiths. Mormons uphold this country's laws and standards, just as those of other faiths. All across this country, Mormons are upstanding teachers, doctors, civic leaders, business men and women, fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters. Sure, there are those who profess to be LDS and yet act contrary to their religion's teachings, but is this not the case of all religions? In any group, religious or not, there are the good and there are the bad. As citizens of this country and with the freedoms we have, it is up to us whether or not we will choose to look past the superficial and discover a person's true character, regardless of what his or her religious beliefs may be. And, as we do, I would bet that we'll find ourselves pleasantly surprised by those with whom we share citizenship but not necessarily religion.
More than 50 years ago, a similar religious-based question was posed in the US presidential race when John F. Kennedy made his bid -- can a Catholic win the presidency? Well, he did, and we now regard him as one of the greatest presidents this nation has ever known. Religion was a notable factor in the 1960 election when Kennedy won the presidency, and unfortunately race was a factor in the 2008 election when Barack Obama became our Commander in Chief. The United States prides itself amongst other nations in the world as providing the most freedom available anywhere. So, why have circumstantial issues been diagnostic factors in 21st Century elections? I feel we have come a long way as a nation, and I am more than proud to be an American. However, I am also more than proud to be a Mormon and find it regrettable that a person's religious beliefs would hinder him (or her) from being a viable presidential candidate.
The current debate over whether or not a Mormon can be elected president disappoints me. While I recognize that because I am an active LDS Church member, some will dismiss my thoughts and overlook the fact that I am also a law-abiding and contributing United States citizen. However, in a nation that encourages free speech, I thought it important to express my opinion. Whether a person is Mormon or Muslim, black or white, male or female should not influence our opinion as we enter the voting polls. Instead, we should be evaluating the candidates based on their core values, political views, leadership abilities, and all-out Americanism.
Personally, I would vote for a Mormon presidential candidate, but would it be because we share religious beliefs? Not in the least. I would also vote (and have voted) for non-Mormon candidates, and my decisions have been based on characteristics completely aside from faith. I find it regrettable that Romeny's and Huntsman's religion has been the cause of so much political uproar in recent days, but I also appreciate the fact that perhaps it is bringing awareness to Mormonism and providing an opportunity to dispel some of the incorrect notions people hold of LDS beliefs.
In a country founded on religious freedom, why would our inalienable right to worship how we please preclude someone from becoming our nation's president? Why do we not afford the same rights to our political leaders that we ourselves fight to defend? If we discriminate against our civic leaders based on their religious beliefs, are we no better than the repressive leaders our forefathers fought so diligently to escape? We are better. We must be better. For our country. For our children. For our future. As Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently expressed, isn't it the intent of this country to be a nation where people are not judged by the color of their skin, or on the premise of their religion as the case may be, and instead on the content of their character? Yes. It is my belief, religion aside, that our nation is one of freedom for all men and women and, according to our Declaration of Independence, "we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" regardless of their religious beliefs. I am proud to be an American and sincerely hope that as the race for the Office of the Presidency commences, we do not allow peripheral factors such as religion, race, or gender to cloud our decisions.
Inevitably, a candidate's road to the White House will not be easily traveled; however, it is unfair of us as citizens of this free country to plague the road with religious barricades. It is our responsibility to challenge the candidates on political issues, core values, and leadership to ensure a qualified nominee takes office as the most powerful leader of the free world. It is our responsibility to be informed citizens and cast our vote based on a thorough understanding of the candidates' characters, not the places where they choose to worship. It is our responsibility to provide the presidential candidates with the same inalienable right we wish to have in worshipping how they choose. It is our responsibility to recognize that in a world where governmental democracy is limited, we should appreciate that as US citizens we even have the opportunity at all to participate in the election process. And finally, it is our responsibility as citizens of this great nation to stand together and elect a candidate who will lead us best, regardless of religious affiliation. Abraham Lincoln once said, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." Let us not destroy ourselves by focusing on and arguing about a presidential candidate's religious beliefs. Instead, let us continue to work together in electing a capable president who will help strengthen this great nation and the freedoms members of all religions have given their lives to protect.
~Tiff T.
I find it unfortunate that religion is such a dominant factor in the current presidential race. The United States has come a long way in the 235 years since its inception, but it still has a long way to go considering religion is erroneously becoming a candidate's only platform. Article 6, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution specifically states that "...no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States." Further, Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the Constitution outlines the qualifications for Office of the Presidency, none of which are religious in nature. So, why is this even being discussed?
It seems to me the reason people are concerned with the thought of a Mormon president is because they are either misinformed or uninformed about the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There are many who associate Mormon beliefs with that of polygamy, despite the fact that the mainstream LDS Church has not practiced polygamy since 1890; in fact, the Church has even taken a strong stand against it, and those who practice polygamy are not permitted to hold Church membership. Additionally, many do not consider the LDS faith a Christian religion, even though the Church's name -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- and its doctrines and practices are centered on Jesus Christ.
At its core, the LDS Church teaches the importance of family, service to others, humanitarianism, good citizenship, and education, all of which are sound principles regardless of one's religious beliefs. While it's true the LDS Church has its own specific beliefs, its core foundation is not much different than other mainstream religions who simply encourage their members to be good, law-abiding citizens wherever they may live.
Mormons have fought and died on the front lines for this country, just as those of other faiths. Mormons uphold this country's laws and standards, just as those of other faiths. All across this country, Mormons are upstanding teachers, doctors, civic leaders, business men and women, fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters. Sure, there are those who profess to be LDS and yet act contrary to their religion's teachings, but is this not the case of all religions? In any group, religious or not, there are the good and there are the bad. As citizens of this country and with the freedoms we have, it is up to us whether or not we will choose to look past the superficial and discover a person's true character, regardless of what his or her religious beliefs may be. And, as we do, I would bet that we'll find ourselves pleasantly surprised by those with whom we share citizenship but not necessarily religion.
More than 50 years ago, a similar religious-based question was posed in the US presidential race when John F. Kennedy made his bid -- can a Catholic win the presidency? Well, he did, and we now regard him as one of the greatest presidents this nation has ever known. Religion was a notable factor in the 1960 election when Kennedy won the presidency, and unfortunately race was a factor in the 2008 election when Barack Obama became our Commander in Chief. The United States prides itself amongst other nations in the world as providing the most freedom available anywhere. So, why have circumstantial issues been diagnostic factors in 21st Century elections? I feel we have come a long way as a nation, and I am more than proud to be an American. However, I am also more than proud to be a Mormon and find it regrettable that a person's religious beliefs would hinder him (or her) from being a viable presidential candidate.
The current debate over whether or not a Mormon can be elected president disappoints me. While I recognize that because I am an active LDS Church member, some will dismiss my thoughts and overlook the fact that I am also a law-abiding and contributing United States citizen. However, in a nation that encourages free speech, I thought it important to express my opinion. Whether a person is Mormon or Muslim, black or white, male or female should not influence our opinion as we enter the voting polls. Instead, we should be evaluating the candidates based on their core values, political views, leadership abilities, and all-out Americanism.
Personally, I would vote for a Mormon presidential candidate, but would it be because we share religious beliefs? Not in the least. I would also vote (and have voted) for non-Mormon candidates, and my decisions have been based on characteristics completely aside from faith. I find it regrettable that Romeny's and Huntsman's religion has been the cause of so much political uproar in recent days, but I also appreciate the fact that perhaps it is bringing awareness to Mormonism and providing an opportunity to dispel some of the incorrect notions people hold of LDS beliefs.
In a country founded on religious freedom, why would our inalienable right to worship how we please preclude someone from becoming our nation's president? Why do we not afford the same rights to our political leaders that we ourselves fight to defend? If we discriminate against our civic leaders based on their religious beliefs, are we no better than the repressive leaders our forefathers fought so diligently to escape? We are better. We must be better. For our country. For our children. For our future. As Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently expressed, isn't it the intent of this country to be a nation where people are not judged by the color of their skin, or on the premise of their religion as the case may be, and instead on the content of their character? Yes. It is my belief, religion aside, that our nation is one of freedom for all men and women and, according to our Declaration of Independence, "we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" regardless of their religious beliefs. I am proud to be an American and sincerely hope that as the race for the Office of the Presidency commences, we do not allow peripheral factors such as religion, race, or gender to cloud our decisions.
Inevitably, a candidate's road to the White House will not be easily traveled; however, it is unfair of us as citizens of this free country to plague the road with religious barricades. It is our responsibility to challenge the candidates on political issues, core values, and leadership to ensure a qualified nominee takes office as the most powerful leader of the free world. It is our responsibility to be informed citizens and cast our vote based on a thorough understanding of the candidates' characters, not the places where they choose to worship. It is our responsibility to provide the presidential candidates with the same inalienable right we wish to have in worshipping how they choose. It is our responsibility to recognize that in a world where governmental democracy is limited, we should appreciate that as US citizens we even have the opportunity at all to participate in the election process. And finally, it is our responsibility as citizens of this great nation to stand together and elect a candidate who will lead us best, regardless of religious affiliation. Abraham Lincoln once said, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." Let us not destroy ourselves by focusing on and arguing about a presidential candidate's religious beliefs. Instead, let us continue to work together in electing a capable president who will help strengthen this great nation and the freedoms members of all religions have given their lives to protect.
~Tiff T.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My blog...
So... I'm creating this blog because I really want a place where I can write and express my opinions and thoughts! I recognize this could be done in a journal or diary somewhere, or even on my home computer, but I'm excited at the possibility of having my musings read by others. Take them or leave them... I'm not necessarily expecting anyone to "follow" my blog or even to read it regularly, but perhaps if someone comes across it now and then, they'll be interested in reading what I have to say. I've worked professionally as an editor and writer for others, so I'm excited about having somewhere I can write for myself and share my writings. My musings are often about political, religious, and societal issues, but also about any other topic I find interesting! There's really no rhyme or reason to it... I just like to write! I'm also open to feedback and comments, though I'm going to admit right up front that I'll delete any which I feel are derogatory, inappropriate, or overly negative. Anyways, I'm excited to have this blog where I can share my musings and writings with anyone and everyone! Happy reading! =)
~Tiff T.
~Tiff T.
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